A Double Edged Blessing

I am absolutely loving the process of watching the puppies grow and develop!  Already, in less than 3 weeks, they have grown and changed so much!  Their eyes are open and they are starting to play!  Even though I am watching them through pictures, I still have the sense of being part of this whole thing.

It is unique.  It is exciting.  It is an experience I know I will look back on and treasure.

It is also extremely difficult.

See, I am very aware that if Speedy had not died so quickly and so unexpectedly, I would not be having this experience.  And, of course, there is part of me that would readily give up this opportunity for two or three more years with my sweet boy.

Pass up, maybe, the dog of a lifetime?  Yes, in a heartbeat.

Of course, that's not possible.  It's a huge "if only".  All I can choose to do is to be grateful for the time that Speedy and I had together, treasure the memories, continue to honor him in the way I live and interact with my dogs, and give my whole heart to this new little guy when the time comes for him to join us.

But sometimes it hurts.  A lot.

I know the day will come when I look back and say, "no way" to the idea of giving up the puppy who will be joining us.  I'm not there today, but I have to remember that time will come.

In the meantime, I am enjoying the photos.  I am enjoying the expectation.  I know this will change everything, but I do want that . . .

Sometimes I feel like Speedy is almost still with me through this process.  He was not a dog to wallow in sorrow and if he had his druthers, he would want me to move forward, not get stuck.  And at other times, I just miss him awfully.

Well, it is what it is.  And I choose to be grateful that all of this fell into place.  A little bit of me already loves this new boy - whichever one of them he may be.  I just need to keep on remembering that.

 

Speedy as a youngster at the Pierogi Park in Shenandoah, PA